It has almost been a year since I last made an entry to my blog. I don't know what happened but what I know that I was broken-hearted at that time so I stopped blogging. Most of my friends knew that I had a 4-year long distance relationship with a foreigner gay guy but some don't. I don't blame since they didn't ask at all.
First Regret. I really regret that my LDR ended that way. I also regret that I didn't fight for him and let him go easily without a fight. The fact that I know myself as a fighter makes me regret more cause at that time that I needed to be strong, I was so helpless. I don't where my strength lies when I needed it. A month has passed, I just realized how foolish I was for not making a move to fight for him. Luck really just made a way for me not to fight for him. One of his friends told me that he was cheating on me for the last 9 months that we were together. When I heard, it just made me realize more that he is not the right guy that is worth fighting for. I had loved you and thanks for loving me back. What I missed when we're together is your family that has been close to me but I don't know if I still need to contact them.
 |
| Living with regret is a choice we each make. - RonnieTabor.com |
Second Regret. I started dating again after my failed relationship last August with a PR guy who's working in Fort Bonifacio area and lives in Marikina. The first time I met him, he was really cute and I hope that he will be my next partner. The sad part, my heart was not yet 100% healed and it was my dilemma. I told him why I wasn't ready yet due to my failed relationship. He replied, "I'm willing to wait since I love you." I hold on to his promise. We' were going out and he made sure that he will find time and wait for me when my shift ends at 1am but his shift ended at 6pm. It was really a sacrifice for him and I really appreciate it. One November morning, I woke up and decided that I'm ready to bring it to the next level that he will be my partner but luck was not with me. He stopped sending me SMS, calling or meeting me up. In short, he was gone in a blink of a eye. I though my heart already healed but it just got wounded again. Not once in a year but it was twice in a year. I fought for him hoping he will re-consider me but got some replies why I was telling him that I love him and I miss him. Isn't it obvious that I am ready now and I love you. To him, I was just nothing. I got broken-hearted. A regret which I hope that I said yes immediately the moment that he asked me.
Third Regret. It is so weird that until now I still miss my partner of 3.5 yrs. This is the guy before the foreigner. If I am given the chance to be with him again, I would but I don't know if it is still okay with him since we had an on-and-off relationship. I regret the fact that I love him so much and at that time, I was still immature on handling a relationship.
The Current Regret. I don't know how to expound this. I'm still puzzled what happened. I don't know if I feel jealous... if I feel cheated... if I feel that I was just lying to myself all along. It really bothers me a lot. For this kind of regret, it is really hard for me to explain it. I don't know if I'm ready to tell it all. I know I might hurt the feelings of those guys who are currently involved. So hard.
We all have our fair share with love. Some of us have their perfect love story, some don't. Some people have also their own regrets. Hopefully, the regret that I am currently experiencing right now come to an end or it will cease as if it didn't happen at all.
